Of old wounds… It’s gonna hurt when it heals too.

Let me warn you, this is going to be a long but good read. Gabriel Union would say, “We are gonna need another glass of wine.” Get your glass of whatever makes you happy and enjoy the longish read.

Old wounds have many ways of creeping into relationships. They can disrupt a connection, prevent a connection from reaching take-off, or slowly pull at a relationship until it’s gasping for air. Everyone is capable of having a connection that is loving and life-giving – a relationship that allows each person to be completely seen, stripped back to bare, pretences gone, flaws and vulnerabilities on full show. It’s beautiful, but it’s not easy, because this type of connection requires openness and vulnerability. The walls need to fall and the armour needs to soften.

Here’s the dilemma – let go of the armour and risk being hurt, but don’t let go of the armour and the relationship you deserve will struggle to find you. 

Armour is the protective wrap we put around ourselves to stop the things that have hurt us before from ever hurting us again. It isn’t a bad thing – we all have it and we all need it – but the tougher and tighter the armour, the harder it is to connect, feel loved, and give love. You might feel the love, deeply and purely, put it just can’t get through the way it needs to.

The deepest wounds often come from childhood. They can affect the way people see the world, themselves and their relationships. They can shape the expectations people have of themselves and others, and what they think they deserve. They can also affect people on a physiological level – the way they carry themselves physically.

Of course, not all wounds come from childhood. Few of us reach adulthood without having had our hearts broken, our ideas about love questioned and our spirits bruised. It’s how we deal with this that will determine the power our history has to keep hurting us. In fact, by providing an opportunity for self-reflection, learning and experimentation, past hurts can be the gateway to stronger relationships – but this does take effort, a willingness to explore and the courage to experiment with a different way of being.

The capacity for that is in all of us. In the same way that with deliberate effort and practice we can expand our physical capabilities, we can also extend well past the self-enforced limits of our emotional edges. 

When there is chronic fighting in a relationship, it’s likely that old wounds are feeding the battle. The existence and influence of old wounds will often be out of our awareness. We won’t know they’re there, but their effects will be obvious.

Old wounds set to work when something in the present moment triggers old memories that are attached to old hurts. When this happens, we react to the new situation as though it’s an old one. Talking of triggers! Don’t you think it’s prudent to tell your partner what triggers you?

Tell me about your dark past, show me the scars so I will know where to scratch when it itches.
Your vulnerabilities are beautiful. Don’t hide them.

There are parts of all of us that are so soft, tender and raw that the temptation is to hide them away for protection. They’re the things you think about at 2am, the feelings you feel that nobody knows about, your insecurities, your fears. They’re the fragile parts of you and it would make sense to hide them if you were in a harsh or unsupportive environment but now you’re in a different one. Let your partner see them – don’t cover them with anger, denial or pretence. This might feel risky and you might feel as though it’s easier and safer to keep your frayed edges protected, wrapped up and tucked away where nobody can see, but trust that whatever happens you can support yourself, vulnerabilities and all. You’re not the same person you were all those years ago. Open up, little by little. It doesn’t have to all be about self-disclosure. It might be in the way you relate, the way you touch, the loving words you offer, the softening of yourself around someone. It’s about being vulnerable, because you can’t have intimacy without it….but ma streets!!😅

 Your wounds don’t have to wound you anymore. They’re the proof of your resilience, your strength and your courage and now they can work hard for you. First though, you’ll have to shine the light on them. Don’t keep them in the dark, otherwise you won’t see them coming when they crash into you. When you have an emotional reaction to your partner, what does this remind you of? What is your earliest memory of these feelings? You might need to sit with them for a while to let them speak to you. What about your partner? Who does he or she remind you of? Then – how are they different? Focusing on the differences will help you to stop seeing your partner or your relationship through an old filter. 

All relationships will come into conflict now and then. When you’re with someone who loves you, there will be a ton of power that comes from being hurt. Use it wisely. We all get it wrong sometimes and we all do stupid things that hurt the people we love. When you’re the one who has been hurt, acknowledge it, discuss it, feel hurt or angry, but don’t use your hurt or anger as a way to keep the power or control in the relationship. Use it to feed a conversation and to find a better way to do things, but don’t use your hurt or anger to lift you to the saddle of your high horse. It can be pretty cold and lonely up there. That doesn’t mean you have to accept every bit of nonsense going around – you don’t. What it means is that not holding out on a resolution or fight dirty because of a sense of entitlement or ‘rightness’. The silent treatment, getting personal or nasty, or fiercely claiming victim status might feel good at the time, but it will sink your relationship in the long run. Righteous people can be hard work – you don’t want to be one of those.

Above all, consistency is a love language, do not let your partner guess. Be there fully everytime. I’m not an expert but I’m a girl who loves love stories.

Of my home-your chocolatey chocolate whatever

Then one day I stopped being shy…you came back home and I was ready. Home had come to my house, my home was between your shoulders. The broad chocolatey dark chocolate framed muscles.

You stormed inside expecting to see your tiny and reserved doll. No, the doll was gone, the baby had grown she had been weaned and milk just couldn’t do anymore. The woman of the house was born, thanks to you, you nurtured her in your arms the same way she was nurtured in her mother’s womb. Your arms did that, your strong African dark arms…

On that day I prepared to be baptized. I felt like I was created to be filled in by you, with you. The “tssss tssss staaa ZESA like energy” between our bodies almost took me out. You called my name and it struck my neck like lightning…babe call me Star so I know I’m alive. Take me home, inside my home. My home was on your torso… carefully crafted, designed by a master creator I knew every vein, shape and spot on that body…it was my home.

You had been patient and it was time I took my throne. The squats, the jumps the weights has strengthened me. I was ready. I slowly led you to your comfort zone only that, that day it was mine to control…Home was between your strong, firm dark stretched limbs and I was ready to take charge….

Of 30phobia…

Star, run!!!!!!! You need to catch the next train😁 who am I fooling? It’s supposed to be a bus we can’t relate to trains in Zimbabwe. I just looked at myself on the mirror and I looked fine, maaan, am I not aging like fine wine or is it whiskey or brandy? I don’t know, whatever gets better with age. I’m not photogenic and I don’t use filters 😜 and I use a phone that’s not so big on camera so don’t come with daggers pointed at me telling me that my photos don’t look good. Leave me alone in my bubble.

A lady doesn’t reveal her age anyhow so let’s just say I’m nearing the BIG 30! It feels like everyone around me is paranoid about that number. Did you know that back in 1999 many people prepared for the end of the world? They thought that after 1999 the computers were going to crash, the sun was never rising again and rapture was starting. The stories I heard are crazy. Now that I’m an adult slowly or is it quickly approaching 30 I think this is how it must have felt.

Social media has trolls that bully 30 year old women everyday. Someone said, ” marrying a 28 year old is like buying milk 2 days before expiration date.” That’s barbaric! Do people expire? I feel that everyone I have come across earlier in my life be it on a friendship or on a romantic basis didn’t get the best of me. I feel like I’m getting wiser, finer and polished with time.

Some Shadaya person who is famous for trolling women has unproven theories of how older women are used and rotten baggages. I’m literally rolling my eyes right now. I was a late bloomer, I spent my early to mid 20s in my walls. Was that helpful? I think it was. Everything I did, every decision I made was conscious , no regrets just lessons. So if you thought that you’re damaged goods because you’re 30 or nearing 30, think again.

You’re doing fine if you still have the will power to bathe and smell nice, do those sleek eyebrows and chase your hustle. 30 is a number just like 15, what you choose to do with your life is entirely up to you. What I will tell you is that, don’t sit at a Ganyau bus stop waiting for a prince’s chariot to come and rescue you. You aren’t a damsel in distress in need of saving. Travel, see the world, volunteer, make an impact in young people’s lives. You have enough experience to guide them. I’m fortunate because that’s what my job is all about.

I believe the problem starts when you think you have to be found. You’re not a lost item that needs to be found. Be about having a good time, no Prince wants a bored, tired, unmotivated companion. 48 laws of power, a very good read talks about the rule of avoiding the unlucky. I subscribe to that, avoid bad vibes. Your biological clock is still fine so don’t let unproven under the tree theories scare you.

We get better and wiser with age. There’s life at 30, after 30 and life NOW. Learn what you didn’t know. Learn how to be a better cook and make amazing meals for yourself, learn how to make those prawns and mussels edible in your plate. Learn how to decorate your room, buy nice linen for your bed, buy sexy lingerie and high heeled shoes and dance looking at the mirror. Learn how to host bigger gatherings. Get that qualification, eat at that restaurant sign up for that fitness gig, learn from the elderly. There’s a lot to be done instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

Damn, you look fine mami!

Of healing together…

A history of trauma can give you a high tolerance of emotional pain. Just because you can take it, doesn’t mean you have to. I’m proud of the hard work I put into embracing myself fully. Trauma introduced itself into my life a little too early. I was convinced that it was normal to let bad things happen to me, let people treat me however they wanted… I kept enlarging my emotional pain threshold.

I rarely dwell in the past and sometimes these distant memories even seem to be from another person’s life. I have changed so much over the years that I often wonder what kind of magic led me to this current place. I am so used to my new self that sometimes I can’t even explain my transformation. Everything has become so natural that if someone asked me how I can be so happy or peaceful, then it’s possible that I wouldn’t know the answer. Happiness just seems to be the natural state for me. Why should I be miserable?

Happiness is an inside job…

That kind of attitude would’ve been a complete utopia many years back, because I felt like the most unfortunate person alive or was I?

To share my story and inspire others to live and help themselves, I consider it necessary to remember what happened to me and how I found myself. My story consists of a lot of sad and painful elements which I rarely write or talk about, because I have a very positive outlook on life and I prefer to live in the present, but I feel that the most important thing is that I healed and moved on. Nothing in life deserves to be hidden or locked away or repainted with bright colors.

I want to tell my story exactly as it was to respect my inner child’s and past self’s wishes. She sincerely wants to share her feelings which she couldn’t do during the most difficult times. She wants to feel that her painful experiences had a purpose and people learn something real and valuable by listening to her story. However, my story is not over and it’s not long. My story is in the way I love passionately, loudly, intensely and fearlessly. My story is in the way I respect those who walked the road way before me. My story is in how I desire to be a kind soul and radiate love.

After losing my mother and my baby sister at 13, it was a wound that I never healed from. I started dating and never became lucky in love… but I thought I was a good person, I thought I was a good woman, a hopeless romantic so why was I always unlucky? I quit love and decided that I had other things to focus on. I guess I needed to learn how to be happy and how to love myself truly. I’m glad I realized that earlier.

I’m a Christian, when life gets messed up I always have ‘THE” conversation with God. I was reminded that I’m a chosen generation, a royal priesthood and loved. I loved myself back and I found peace. I’m so peaceful with myself that I have great conversations with myself. I’m grateful for how far I have come and how strong I have become over the years. I’m not afraid or shy to say I still believe that God is not done with me yet. I’ve lived moments that I prayed for years ago. God is still answering my prayers delicately to the ‘T”. I’m a grown woman, I’m patiently waiting on God to make me a mother so that I can nurture the fruits of my womb. To make me a helper so that I will fulfill the role of Queen Esther.

I understand that no one is perfect, everyone has some sort of scars that will itch here and there. “It’s gonna hurt when it heals too ” I have prayed to God to give me the patience and the wisdom to nurture not to kill. I desire to grow and heal together with my King David, the Man after God’s own heart. Well, if God has other plans for me that are different from mine, I will rest assured that the same God in the valley is the same God on the mountain.

Heal….Hurt people hurt people. Cheers 😘

Of my rant against men who think everyone wants them…

The intention is not to throw shade but if I do, please pardon me. Now that I have your attention, do laugh with me first😂😂. Raise your glass or your coffee mug, we are drinking to authenticity, humility and life. Life as women, beautiful successful women. Women who are not intimidated by badges especially BIG badges.

I recently deactivated my Facebook account because it was becoming a distraction. A few weeks before that, a random person slid into my DM and we had somewhat decent conversations. I didn’t come with my daggers out because there was no reason to then. Well the guy told me that he wanted to be my friend…greatest lie ever told by the other gender. It’s as if they sit on a throne of lies!

The short version to this story is that, this man was convinced that he was a woman magnet. He was even shocked that I didn’t know who he was or who his brother was given that “I boys dzepatonaz” What do you expect from me? I spend my weekends indoors on my phone, I follow car pages, interior design, fitness and cooking pages on Instagram so I’m the last person you would want to ask about “ndiani ari kurira patown”.

I think it was out of curiosity that pushed this man…he asked to see me and I arranged a neutral place, close to my home though. Hehehe! Dude turned up in a dope Mercedes Benz! You already know my obsession with Mercedes Benz cars. It was a 2 door Merc mint and crisp. Stranger 1 Vs 0.

If you do have focus and are not prone to the “carrot effect” you stay winning. The older you get the more you stop being impressed by a lot things. I didn’t act the way he expected of me after seeing that he was doing well financially which he did not try to hide, he was upfront about it. After more than 25 years of living and having been through some experiences, I value connection and authenticity. I may have a loud and obvious love for the finer things in life but I’m not willing to sell my soul or my pride for those things!

Men who are successful, have money and are good looking think that’s all they need to have to get a woman’s attention. I believe that is so old school. I find men who think every woman likes them, very unattractive. It’s not smart to assume that you are going to dangle car keys and a woman comes crawling on all fours. There’s more to unions than material things. Imagine being stuck with someone so poor that all he has is money! The question of what one brings to the table should go beyond material things I believe. Do you help me grow as an individual, do you water my ambitions, are you a team player? If all you have to bring to the table is a couple of cars and money, who is going to take the role of the man of the house? If you don’t have solid values, how are we even going to have a meaningful conversation?

I believe it’s time to be honest and address the elephant in the room! Having money and all the nice things doesn’t make you everyone’s cup of tea, being the prettiest girl in the room doesn’t make every man desire to be with you. Character, values and how you treat people make people become genuinely interested in you.

Of not pouring from an empty cup…

I’ve been on a work break and I’ve had a lot of time to get acquainted with myself. I don’t mean to brag but I certainly enjoy my own company. Those with my WhatsApp number have probably seen my stupid left footed dances. I laugh at myself for not being able to dance, I can’t sing either and I have been singing a lot lately 😃 pecks of living alone. The downside is that I haven’t been eating well, I’m so lazy to cook and I tend to be very picky with food.

I haven’t been idle though, fam, good people exist in this world to be honest. They come in different shapes and sizes and kindness is their shadow. I’ve always wanted to study a certain program to boost my English teaching qualification but I kept postponing it. I believe that I’m an open book, I’m honest with my emotions, desires and plans. I don’t remember when I told this person, let’s call him “Obinze” that I want to take on this particular course. Obinze told me that he wanted to be my benefactor and I was free to start applying!! I immediately thought of Charles’ Dickens’ Great Expectations. Remember how Pip’s life changed after an encounter with the benefactor? Well, I’m Pip in this instance. I applied, got accepted and I have already started my studies. Obinze did his part, fully paid and all I need to do is study and bring the papers home. Dreamy right?

This act of kindness reminded me of something, you give out what’s inside of you. If you’re filled with gratitude and kindness, that’s what will follow you. God always gives you a reason to be grateful. As for Obinze, he is a happy soul, kind and generous. From him I learned that God works on principles, “He loves a cheerful giver” Obinze is a cheerful giver and that was my takeaway from all this. You cannot give what you don’t have!

“I thought it would be good for me to do something kind for someone else who is not me in 2021.”

Obinze

If you see people biting and tearing each other out there, just know that it is not well inside. Kindness comes from a place of kindness, bitterness comes from a place of bitterness. You cannot pour from an empty cup! To every Obinze out there, you may not realize how significantly you’re impacting someone’s life but trust me, the acts of kindness will never go unnoticed and unrewarded.

To be kind in a world where cruelty and competition is trending, to be generous where greed and selfishness is in fashion, to be good in a bad world, considerate in a self-centred world is a blessing that a few people have. Fill yourself up with goodness and kindness because you CANNOT POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP!

Obinze this is for you. Thank you.

Star 🌟

A letter to Crystal with a K

Dear Crystal with a K or Wanaka and the other names your father will give you…

I’m doing my part to create a soft landing for you my boy. There are many things I wish I could change and put a stop to but I can’t and it’s not not in my power to change people. I do know this for certain though, the world is a confusing place, people are more dangerous than snakes and lions. They shall tell you not to cry because “men don’t cry” don’t listen to that my son. The one who patterns our lives wept on the cross. I hope that you are going to be a man true to his being, honest with his emotions and kind to others and yourself. I will never tell you to pretend to be strong when you don’t feel strong but I shall always encourage you to be a fighter. I don’t speak of fighting with your fists for that is fleeting. I shall always tell you that all your battles are won on your knees. In your time of need, ask God to direct your feet and light your path.

There’s going to be a lot pressure on you, they are going to expect you to have achieved certain things at a certain age according to their worldly standards. I want you to always remember that we serve the author and finisher of time. You are not in a competition with anyone but yourself. Strive to be a better man, be kind to everyone, be forgiving because that is for you. In this journey, there’s going to be a lot to forgive, you will be disappointed but forgive anyway. Find your own path and live life to the fullest. I’m praying for you I know you’re somewhere in the spirit, I don’t know when I will be tasked to carry you in my body but I am happy because God promised to bless the fruits of my womb. They shall call you blessed and you shall be a delight to me and everyone favoured to know you.

I hope WordPress will still exist in the coming years so that I show you this post.

Your mother

Star with a C

Of hypergamy Vs Hypogamy

People have “standards” on almost everything. Have you met people who say they will not eat in certain restaurants “just because…”? Club goers won’t go to “certain” type of clubs because the standards there are too low for them. Think of the Mashwede crew versus the Pabloz crew!

North or South of Samora?

I have no idea how it started or who started the silent war between the Northerners and the Southerners. There are even events for the well to do and others for the not so well to do… Unplugged versus Madirirano. I’m a small town girl, well I was born and bred in Harare up until I was 13 then I moved to the small town. I have the liberty to choose where I wanna fit in now that I’m an independent woman. I have had a fair share of both sides of Samora. At this point you might be thinking how the Samora sides are linked to the topic in question. Sit tight, Samora has everything to do with hypergamy.

Apparently when people are talking about having standards in relationships, it also includes the geographical location of the significant other. Classisism has always existed and it’s being passed down to the next generations. If you’re in Harare you know very well that the Northern side of Samora is where the rich and wealthy people stay. Saying you stay in Chisipite, Brooke or Glen Lorne is a strong pick up line on its own. Now, because women are naturally witty they won’t make it obvious that they have taken the reigns upon themselves for the hunting missions. I’m breaking the girl code here and letting you all in. When a girl asks, “which places are cool to hang out?” The question actually means, “where can we hang out to mix and mingle with the rich and wealthy guys?” It’s amusing how most women are impatient with men who belong to their same neighborhood even if they meet at a seemingly “classy” place.

It has been a tradition of old across all tribes and races that women prefer marrying up or within the same tax bracket as them. This is referred to as hypergamy. Marrying up is not exclusive to a financial status only. A woman from the poorest high density suburb can be bold and say they can’t date someone from Epworth but would choose Borrowdale any day. A woman who has never put a key in the ignition would tell you that they can’t date a man without a car or who drives a Nissan March. It goes further to preferences on looks, the term “Tall, dark and handsome” has been thrown around since time immemorial. If it were up to women, every woman would get a man taller than her. The irony is that the same woman who wants muscles, beard and a Mercedes driving man, doesn’t have a driver’s license, has a hairline in ICU, has flabby arms, fat thighs and a potbelly. Somehow this has been normalized. The funny one is amongst professions. A teacher especially a government employed teacher marrying another teacher or a policeman is seen as ridiculous in most cases. Your friends will ask you why you have chosen to subject yourself to eternal poverty.😂 Bottom line is, if you’re a woman, strategically position yourself, wipe the dust from the ghetto and visit the place where the Kings of the North hang out! A case in point is that of the late Moana… Men love beautiful women, their heads seem to spin if there is a beautiful woman around them, so it’s even easier to change your social status if you’re a head-turning beauty!

Hypogamy is defined as an act by men to marry down or specifically to marry a woman of a lower social standing. I haven’t been able to figure out if men do this deliberately or if men are not that concerned about social classes. I believe there is something about power and ego involved. If a man feels that he will be respected and valued he is likely to choose such a woman regardless of background. You will be unfortunate if you end up with one that will remind you of how they picked you from the gutters everytime. Imagine complaining about using AirZimbabwe and he reminds you of how you had never seen the inside of a plane before he married you! I don’t wish that on anyone, may it never be your potion, amen!

Real love exists and it’s effortless. I’m just not sure if love has colours,classes, shapes and sizes! When you people say you have a “type” do you mean that if you find a beautiful soul in a short and round man you will walk away? Would you rather be in an abusive relationship and cry in Range Rover or laugh and blush in a Honda Fit? It’s not a crime to have preferences but I think people need to be realistic and not be blinkered by a shady list of movie qualities. Well I love me some tall and strong man who won’t struggle to lift me up… that’s my love language. Don’t take everything I said, I also have a type! That explains the long period of singleness hehehe! Finally, “Sistren”,don’t think of yourself as a lesser person because you have captured the attention of a higher social class than yours. Love knows no class, if hypergamy is what will make you happy, go for the sparkle”Markle!

Of voicenotes

Dear wordpress diary…..

I spent over an hour today listening to some old voicenotes. I found myself smiling and feeling good. You’re just a diary but I’m going to ask you this anyway, have you ever met someone that you connect with on every level? The seamless conversations, same level of EQ, not having to explain jokes to them?

Take it from me diary, the feeling is amazing. You probably know nothing about feelings anyway because you’re not human but in your second life, if we can call it life, try being a human being. Well, it’s not always rossy though, you can have all these amazing feelings and smile by just merely thinking of such people and the feeling may never be mutual. In that instance it’s called unrequited love. You have to learn that loving someone is not a guarantee that they will love you back. Love them anyway, damn! How did I put the word love here? I’m such a hopeless romantic 😍. I was in love, pulled out because I was scared so I engaged level “deep freezer”. I was such a bitch! Yes bitch, I listened to my voice note eish that was cold. If roles were reversed I would have blocked me.

There was a group when the urban grooves music genre was the in thing, I liked a song by Mafriq” Ndichamuudza chete” I have told him before but of course I used the word, ‘like’ in Shona, like and love mean the same. I’m not going to tell him again, you know why? It sucks to be rejected hehehehe, I’m such a girl, but if I tell him in 2030, I hope he will respond in Shona or if he realizes that he likes/loves me too I hope he tells me in Shona, “Ndinokuda Christarbell” or let’s try my totem, ” Ndinokudai Achihoro” man, the totem one hits different. Well, I feel too good today, Sundays are for soul searching and the truth. This was my truth for this Sunday. Happy Sunday dearest online diary.

Of deserving and taking.

I’m sorry to say this but my culture sees confidence and high self-esteem as pride. When someone compliments how you look, you’re expected to shy away and pretend not to know that you look good. The response to a “thank you” is “munotendeiko” which translates to, “why should you thank me?’. I feel that in as much as people should be humble there should be a distinct line between humility and low self-esteem.

As a child growing up, I used to think that for one to be a good person, they should always serve others and disregard their own needs. My mother died when I was 13, my sister a month after that. I’m sure it was at that point that I believed that I wasn’t deserving of any favours or even good fortune. For a long time I felt robbed. I spent my teen years being an observer and not really an active participant in family activities. I did not belong anywhere, the extended family idea kept glaring before me and thus, I took what I was given. Someone coming to me and telling me that I was brilliant or that I was good at something was more of courtesy from them but I didn’t take it to heart. As far as I was concerned, I didn’t deserve to be good.

I know some people who know me personally will read this and get confused because this seems to be the opposite of what my teen years were like. At face value, I was very confident, I was an amazing public speaker and I debated too. I didn’t have stage fright be it at school or church. What people didn’t know was that everytime after making a stellar performance, I would feel empty. I got praises but I didn’t feel good enough. There was always a void I wanted to fill in. I had always envisioned my human doll, my baby sister looking up to me. When she died that felt like a betrayal, I felt that I had failed her.

I revisited my emotions and my feelings recently and I realized that I was still bleeding but on the wrong people. It is said, “a scar is there to remind you that even the deepest wounds can heal and it will hurt when it heals too.” I deserve every compliment that I get, when someone tells me that I’m smart, I’m going to smile and say,”thank you”. You deserve to be pampered and showered with praises. Now to my ladies who think that they should exhibit the ability to handle poverty and suffering to be loved, snap out of it! You deserve to be loved, don’t open doors for yourself, receive the Cinderella type of love from your prince, don’t settle for a frog 🐸.

If there’s a higher job position that you have been eyeing, go for it and take it unapologetically. You do not owe anyone any explanations. You’re deserving of everything good that comes your way, if good things don’t come, roll up your sleeves and go get it! How people feel about you is not your responsibility, it’s on them. I’m beautiful, I’m passionate, I’m calm and my heart is in the right place. I deserve goodness and I’m taking it.